This past Sunday, the pain in my knee finally rendered me couchridden. I stayed all day sitting down, cringing when I was forced to walk small distances or up stairs. Yesterday I spent the entire day in my living room alone watching TV while Jared was at IHOP. The only time I finally got up was when I was sure that madness would ensue if I didn’t get out of the house, so Jared and I went to Publix. 

I wasted two full days already this WEEK that I did not even give one moment of myself to God. Worse, my husband called me and warned me not to let my day be wasted entirely on TV. “Redeem the time”, I recall him saying. Yeeeaaahhhh, I even consciously chose not to redeem the time.

I’ve been sick before, I’ve been bedridden and miserable before, and I’ve allowed for those to be adequate excuses to withdraw from everything but TV, but I’ve never been so jealous for my heart afterwards. THIS, in itself, is victory.

Opening my Bible in grief at the end of the night, it flipped open to Daniel 1, and I quickly found verse 8. ”But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies.”

What has an unGodly stronghold in my heart, Jesus? What vain things do I run to in order to occupy my heart’s fascination? What keeps me from fully embracing You in my free time (not just my normal schedule)? 

I will purpose in my heart to not defile myself with the delicacies of food, media, or anything else warring for my heart’s affection that is not You.

Does anyone else feel a fast coming on?